In which The Gay Recluse holds a contest. Sort of.

Ok, submissions from the American side of the Atlantic have been kind of weak lately, so we thought we’d treat you to a taste of the big leagues in Hot Gay Statuary. Yes, Paris, City of Light! Reader CBNY sends us the following pix and accompanying note:

Men, men everywhere, atop buildings, atop pedestals, out in the garden, inside marbled halls. Why does this mean nothing more to the French than just one more beautiful thing to look at?

That’s an interesting question, CBNY. Let’s check out a few of these shots and perhaps we’ll have a better sense of what’s going on.

Smokin’ hot dad in a Farrah wig.

CBNY: Some Neptune-ish daddy/merman with armbands (versatile, apparently) and an extremely potent jet of water gushing from his… fish. Place de la Concorde, of course.

CBNY: One of Rodin’s Three Shades taking a respite from the Met rooftop, to perch awhile in the Tuileries. Gay probably by dint of his thighs, alone.

TGR: Whoas! Smokin.

CBNY: Nothing to hide, and plenty to show off, in one of the world’s most visible, and stellar, locales.

TGR: Hot!

ZOMG. Smokin.

Seriously. Hot.

This guy is smokin hot.

CBNY: I don’t know if this centurion high atop a two-story pedestal is gay. (Aren’t most centurions?) But his sculptor clearly was.

TGR: Are you kidding? This guy is completely gay and hot smokin’ hot.

CBNY: Door handle, Palais de Tokyo.

TGR: Every door handle should be this hot and gay.

CBNY: Oh, those fey, 18th-century aristocrats. But he’s definitely been to the gym.

TGR: Hotter and gayer than 99 percent of American statues!

CBNY: is this gay? Let’s go around back.

CBNY: Yep, it is.

TGR. More like, yes he is! Smokin’ hot. Too bad some crazy like Mike Huckabee got to his package.

Hand-on-hip guy is smokin’ too! Damn, is there no end to hot gay statues in Paris?

Thanks for that exhilarating tour, CBNY! We think we can safely speak for all 350 million Americans when we say how awestruck we are by the example of Paris, but also humiliated by the relative dearth of hot gay statues stateside. But we’re confident that once word gets out, government at all levels — from rural municipalities to the U.S. fucking Congress — will take steps to rectify the situation in the near future. In the meantime, readers, please don’t hesitate to send in your examples to both inspire and instruct.

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